Finding our worth and letting the world see our value is something we are deeply passionate about over here at Mama Moments HQ. We’ve chatted before about why we, as mothers, need to learn how to value ourselves and what we can do to show ourselves that little bit of appreciation (which is always necessary and always well deserved).
Discovering our value, however, is something which can easily become diminished, especially as we run straight into the overload of the summer holidays. The list oddly becomes longer as the demands of entertaining the kids, along with the pressures of making shiny memories become a focal point of the summer. There’s an awkward fine balance as we juggle the workload, the house, and the kids. And despite it being the summer holidays we find we are still the “always on” parent. As much as everyone is enjoying the ride, we’re at the back of the rollercoaster clutching the rail for dear life.
This summer I am reaching out to you to help you understand what it means to value yourself over the holidays. And why appreciating yourself will make this summer one of your best yet.
Understand Your Value as A Mother
When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see? Do you quickly point out the things you would like to change such as losing a few pounds or getting a haircut? Do you pull at the fine lines around your eyes, stretching them out until they disappear? When we stand in front of a mirror, we may pick out things we see as flaws, things we want to change. But if we were to stand in front of our best friend, what do you think they would say about us? Would they see us in the same way, or would they say we are perfect just the way we are?
We value our friends beyond what we physically see. We don’t look at the house, the car our friend drives, the job they have, and place a certain value on them because of that. So why should we look at ourselves and find our value on objects or physical appearance? Why is it that when we look at our life, we veer towards questioning it or we end up questioning ourselves? It all comes down to our self-worth and finding our value which is most notably within us.
Ok, so this is an overly broad example but it’s one worth thinking about. Understanding our value as a mother is more than what we see. Valuing ourselves is about recognising and appreciating the all-encompassing world of motherhood and how we play the game. Are we a pawn or are we a Queen?
The Bane of Self-Criticism
We are incredibly critical people and I think it’s safe to say that when children come along we make an early habit of judging ourselves even more. Along with the archaic patriarchy our motherhood journey is formed around, we play on a field of wildly unrealistic expectations.
Along comes summer and the criticism swells with the heat! We tell ourselves that we must have adventures and make the most of the time because they grow up so quickly. We see our friends holidaying abroad, having epic day trips at the seaside, and a panic hits when we realise our kids have sucked their tablet batteries dry for the third day of the week. We compete and compare, all in the hope of banishing that little voice in our head which tells us we’re not good enough.
Now, how is that kind of self-critical talk going to help us have our best summer yet?
It’s not, and admittedly it’s not easy to quieten this loud voice when our self-worth is not beaming from the roof tops yet. But we will find our value by doing two things:
- Recognising what we do and valuing the effort and work involved in being a mother.
- Asking ourselves what we need and giving it to ourselves.
As we make our way through these hot days and humid nights, remember you, value you, and honour you. It sounds so easy to do but make no mistakes I have been there, and I know just how hard it is to truly value yourself and put yourself first. It takes a conscious effort to say to yourself, “I am amazing. Look at what I’ve done in one day.” The more you actively appreciate yourself, the greater your self-worth and self-value will be.
Along with recognising your worth, enthusiastically look after yourself too. Ask yourself, “What do I need?” and actively answer and act on what you need. We will spend our days asking or pre-empting what everyone in our house needs.
Why should we be left off that list?
So, if you want to eat the punnet of fresh juicy strawberries which you ordinarily reserve for the kids lunch, eat away. If you want to do an hour-long yoga session in the garden as the sun beats down, do it. If your coffee and book are calling you, why can’t you take the time to sit and relax?
Ok, yes being mum may mean a million interruptions and the potential for the kids to use you as a bridge as you find your way to downward dog but it’s the conscious effort of recognising your worth and value that I want you to focus on this summer.
Ask yourself, “What do I need?” and find it without guilt, without judgement, and with buckets of compassion.